The Bar
by Shini2
Summary: Everybody goes to the bar after a long day at the Preventers! 1+2, 3+4, 5+S, 6+9, and 13+11 (Treize magically came back from the dead XD).


A/N: I was just about to upload this fic when my freaking computer deleted somehow without my consent. After several minutes of cursing, I realized I had it on my site. So I did a little copying and pasting.  
  
The beginning is kinda boring. o well, just wait till they get to the bar.  
  
Warnings: shounen ai, 1x2, 3x4, 5xS, 6x9, 13x11, language, OOC, drunkeness, uhh...zechstacy? (please, just don't ask)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.  
  
The Bar  
  
"'Fei-bunny!!!! Wake uuuuuup!"  
  
Sally Po sat on the edge of the bed. She poked the Chinese man that lay there. "Wakey wakey!!"  
  
Wufei grunted. Can't a guy get a decent amount of sleep without getting woken up by persistent onnas?  
  
"That's it!" Sally opened the windows wide open, letting the chilly morning air flow in. She then walked over to the bed, and ripped off the covers. Wufei.well.lets just say that last night, Wufei didn't prefer boxers OR briefs.  
  
"DAMNIT WOMAN!! THAT'S COLD!!!!!" Wufei grabbed the comforter of the bed, but Sally refused to let go.  
  
"Get out of bed! You're going to be late for work!"  
  
Wufei looked over at the clock. It was 6. He started at 8. "I have an hour and a half to get ready."  
  
"You need a healthy and nutritious breakfast to start off your day." Sally said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Is this what I get for marrying a doctor?" Wufei teased.  
  
Sally smiled and threw the comforter back at Wufei. "Get dressed Wu-bunny." She said.  
  
****************Meanwhile, in another part of the colony, similar problems are occurring.  
  
"Duo! Wake Up!" Heero yelled. The braided boy could sleep through Relena singing kareoke. Heero cringed at that thought. OK, maybe not.  
  
Heero grabbed the nearest pillow and swatted Duo.  
  
THWAP!  
  
THWAP!  
  
THWAP!  
  
**Rip!**  
  
"Kuso! That was my good pillow!" Heero cursed, looking at the soft fluffs that were once his pillow fill the air. A cotton ball landed on Duo's nose and he sneezed. His eyes opened.  
  
"Heero, why does it look like winter in here?" Duo asked, raising his eyebrow at the white fluffy stuff all around their bedroom.  
  
"Cuz your lazy ass wouldn't get up" Heero grunted.  
  
"Oh, sorry. What time is it?"  
  
"Six."  
  
"Well then, I'm goin back to sleep, G'night!" Duo plopped back into his still-intact pillow.  
  
Heero grabbed the end of Duo's braid and dragged him out of bed.  
  
*********Somewhere else, people weren't having such problems..  
  
Quatre and Trowa sat peacefully at the table, already in their Preventers' uniform, quietly eating breakfast.  
  
*****About two hours later, at the Preventer's.  
  
Duo sat boredly at his office desk. There was nothing to do! Heero was busy signing forms and crap, so he couldn't be with him. He couldn't annoy Wufei, since he was out with Sally on their break, he couldn't talk to Trowa and Quatre since they were too busy with their make-out sessions. And Une was in a pissy mood today (PMS, what else?) so he couldn't bother her without getting his braid chopped off or getting fired.  
  
Suddenly, Zechs burst in the door. "DUO!"  
  
Duo, startled, jumped up. "What the hell?"  
  
"Guess What?!?" Zechs exclaimed loudly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look what I sneaked in!!" He then opened his coat to a bag full of Zechstacy.  
  
Duo smacked his forehead. "Your high aren't you?"  
  
"Now what kind of question is that? Aren't I ALWAYS high!?"  
  
"Your right, how stupid of me." Duo mumbled.  
  
"Well, I'm off to alert Une, oh and by the way, everyone's going to this bar after work today. Ya comin?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" Duo said. By the end of the day, he's probably gonna need a few drinks anyway.  
  
"Cool, peace out yo." Zechs said, then walked, or actually stumbled, out of the room. It was going to be a long day.  
  
********** Heero filled out endless paperwork. He sighed. This was not how he pictured life after the war. Actually he thought he would be dead and never live to see peace. But he did survive, and he thought that after the war he could kick back and relax with Duo with no worries at all. But no, he sat here, signing here, putting other crap there, and then doing the same thing over and over. He couldn't wait till he got off. He was glad he agreed to join Zechs and the others for a nice drink after work.  
  
********  
  
Une knew that if she got one more call, she would snap. The phone had been ringing nonstop for the past 3 hours. And sure enough, thanks to all the ass holes that insisted on calling the Preventers for practically no reason-  
  
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!  
  
Une picked up the phone, trying to hold back her anger. "Hello?"  
  
"Une" came a familiar deep voice.  
  
"YES ZECHS, I KNOW YOU HAVE ZECHSTACY!!!!!!" She slammed down the phone. It rang again. "ZECHS I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME ONE MORE TIME I WILL GET MY GUN AND-"  
  
"Hello Une"  
  
"Master Treize! I'm terribly sorry I thought you were Zechs!" Une quickly apologized, quickly switching from bitch mode to saint mode.  
  
"I was just wondering if you were going to the bar. I would be glad if you came"  
  
"Of course, I will do anything that would make you happy Treize." Une said.  
  
"Really? Anything?"  
  
Let's end the conversation there..  
  
********  
  
Duo watched the clock. One more minute. 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55.Time seems to go so slow when you're getting off of work. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Duo jumped out of his seat, ignoring the papers that scattered everywhere, and ran to the front door of the building to wait for the others. A few minutes later Heero, Trowa, Wufei, Sally, Zechs, Noin, Une and Treize met Duo by the door. "So, where we goin? And where's Q?" Duo asked.  
  
"A bar not far from here. And Quatre is babysitting Mariemaia." Une said.  
  
"What's the bar called?" Heero asked.  
  
"The Bar" Zechs said.  
  
"How original." Duo said.  
  
"Well, LET'S GO!" Zechs yelled happily. Noin sighed. They all walked out and drove to the bar. A few minutes later, they arrived. It was one of the fancier bars, with more alcohol, much to the group's delight. It was kind of like a dance club and bar, with a dance floor and music.  
  
They all took seats at the bar. All of a sudden, there was a ringing noise. Zechs picked up a nearby glass. "Hello?"  
  
"Idiot." Sally mumbled. She grabbed her cell phone and flipped it open, only to have Trowa snatch it.  
  
"HELLO!?" Trowa yelled.  
  
"Jeez, why is he so hyper?" Heero asked.  
  
"There's enough zechstacy in the air here to get everyone high." Duo said, taking a nice long whiff of the air.  
  
"Hello?" came a small voice from the other end of the phone.  
  
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHY AM I ON SALLY'S PHONE!?" Trowa yelled.  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
"Mariemaia?"  
  
"Where's my mommy?" Mariemaia asked.  
  
"OH SHES DEAD!" Trowa yelled.  
  
"I mean UNE you RETARD!" Mariemaia retorted.  
  
"Ohhh, you mean the bitch! Well, she's in the braud's room right now, want me to go get her?" Trowa asked politely.  
  
"Well, shouldn't a girl get her?"  
  
"Psshht nahhh!" Trowa said. He got off his stool and walked to the ladies' room. He barged in, much to the surprise of the females in the room. "YO UNE! IT YO KID!"  
  
"LEAVE ME ALONE! IM MENSTRUATING!" Une yelled.  
  
"Did you just like.call yourself a man?" Trowa asked.  
  
"Nooooooooo." Une said. "Hey Trowa? Do you have any change?"  
  
Trowa checked his pockets. "No, why?"  
  
"See that lil dispenser on the wall there?"  
  
"Ummm yea, hey! How come you guys get a beer dispenser in your bathroom!?"  
  
"There's no beer in there.just.find someone with change! AND STOP USING MY MINUTES!"  
  
Trowa put the cell phone up to his ear. "Sorry, gotta go! Thank you for using Vorizon Wireless!" With that said, he hung up the phone.  
  
"Dumbass.I use AT&T" Une mumbled.  
  
***************At the Khushranada mansion.  
  
Mariemaia looked at the phone. "QUATRE!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Quatre came running downstairs in a tuxedo. "Yes Mariemaia?"  
  
"TROWA HUNG UP ON ME!!!" Mariemaia said, whipping up fake tears.  
  
"No! Don't cry! Where was he? He was supposed to be here by now." Quatre said, glancing at his watch.  
  
"I don't know, but he hung up, can you call him for me? I just wanted to talk to my mommy!"  
  
"Sure thing." Quatre smiled and took the phone. He dialed the number and it rang.  
  
"Chinese laundry, Chio wu?" Trowa answered. **obscinities were heard from Wufei in the backround**  
  
"Trowa! Where are you!?" Quatre asked.  
  
"I'm playing Russian Roulette with some Cuban immagrants, you?"  
  
"Trowa, really, where are you? Are you drunk?"  
  
"Maybe. Yes. No. YOU DECIDE!"  
  
"I'll take that as a yes. You were supposed to meet me at Mariemaia's!"  
  
"Are you trying to sexually entice me? Cuz it's really working."  
  
"TROWA! After Mariemaia went to bed you said we could have a romantic dinner! And now you went and got drunk!"  
  
"Oops.I'm sorrry Quatre."  
  
"I'm not sure if you really mean that, I mean, you ARE drunk!" After he said that, Quatre hung up.  
  
**********back at the bar..  
  
Trowa stared at the phone. "Q-babe."  
  
"Don't sweat it chief!" Zechs said. "I'm sure you two will be back in bed in no time!"  
  
"Ow ow!" Sally said.  
  
"He sounded really upset." Trowa said. "I'm going over there."  
  
"Woah, woah, woah! You are not sober enough to go out and drive!" Wufei said.  
  
"Fine then." Trowa siad, grabbing Wufei's shirt and draggin him along. "You'll drive me!"  
  
"Why me?!"  
  
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" Trowa said happily. Wufei sighed and they got in Wufei's Lincoln Navigator [1] and went to Mariemaia's.  
  
In the car, Trowa turned on the radio. He immediately recognized the song and started singing (off key). "I wanna l-l- l-lick you from your head to your toes! I wanna move from the bed down to the down to the to the floor. And I wanna ah-ah! You make it so good I don't wanna leave, but I gotta k-k-k-know what's your fant-t-tasy!"  
  
"For Buddha's sake!" Wufei yelled, and switched the station.  
  
Trowa laughed. "We ain't go nowhere we ain't goin nowhere cuz its bad boys fo life!"  
  
Wufei turned the radio off, but Trowa kept singing. Wufei grabbed a nearby cloth and gagged him. "That should shut him up."  
  
"MMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMPHHHHH!!!!"  
  
It was going to be a long ride.  
  
*******back at the bar.  
  
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Zechs yelled as he spun around and around on the ceiling fan.  
  
"Dude! How'd you get up there?" Duo yelled.  
  
"I don't know" Zechs said, jumping down and landing flat on his ass.  
  
"Ok.Hey! I love this song! Come on Hee-chan, let's dance!"  
  
"Lets not." Heero said. "I don't know how."  
  
"I'll show you!" Duo said, dragging Heero onto the dance floor.  
  
"Woa, Duo's goooood." Zechs said.  
  
Noin slapped his head. "Hey!"  
  
"OW!" Zechs said. "Sorry babe!" He grabbed Noin around the waist and kissed her.  
  
Over at the bar, Treize, who had one too many margaritas, was furiously yelling at the bar tender. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON"T HAVE ANY PEANUTS!?"  
  
"I'm sorry sir, we have no peanuts. Now, if you don't stop yelling I'll call security." The bartender said while glaring at Treize.  
  
"YOU'LL CALL SECURITY!? OOOO NOW IM SCARED! DO YOU REALIZE I HAVE THE POWER TO GET YOUR ASS FIRED AND OUT INTO THE STREETS!?"  
  
The bartender pushed a lil red button under the table. In a matter of seconds, tow huge guys in black T-shirts came forward and grabbed Treize by the arms. "Come with us sir." The one said. They drug a kicking and screaming Treize out of the bar and threw him on the curb.  
  
"That was interesting." Sally said. Then she saw Trowa and Quatre coming through the doors. They walked up to the bar. "I see you two made up. Where's Wufei?" Sally said.  
  
"Yep, were gonna have dinner here, and Wufei is babysitting Mariemaia." Trowa said. He and Quatre sat in a nearby booth.  
  
"Ok, hey, don't ask for peanuts." Sally said.  
  
By the end of dinner, Trowa was drunk again. Quatre didn't mind, this WAS a bar after all and he knew how hard it was for Trowa to stay sober at a bar. Quatre just smiled and nodded at whatever Trowa slurred.  
  
A few minutes later, Une's cell phone rang again. Trowa still had it, so he grabbed it and flipped it open. "Hello?"  
  
"Hello? Trowa? What are you doing?"  
  
"IM SCREWING YOUR WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?" Wufei yelled so the whole bar could hear him. "YOU LITTLE MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!!!!"  
  
"WOA! Chill Wu! I was kidding!" Trowa said, but no one heard it. Wufei slammed down the phone, grabbed his katana, got in his black Lincoln Navigator, revved that mo fo up and blasted down the street.  
  
"Oh. Shit." Trowa said. He turned the phone off and dropped it. "I'm. Fucked."  
  
He got up, just in time to hear screeching tires outside. "Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit!!!!!" And he was looking a little something like this: ///_0  
  
Wufei burst through the doors and looked around, a huge vein popping out of his neck. He spotted Trowa cowering in a booth. "YOU LITTLE NO-ASSED UNIBANGED WIFE-BANGING FUCKER!"  
  
"Hey, I may have no ass and a unibang, but I'm not a wife-banger! IM GAY FOR PETE'S SAKE" Trowa yelled. Wufei held up his katana. "Ohhh fuck." Trowa ducked the blade, which was aimed for his crotch, and ran like the wind. Before he could chase after him, the phone rang again. He picked it up.  
  
"You have 5 seconds." Wufei said.  
  
"Is Une there?" Mariemaia asked.  
  
"I don't know. Time's up." He hung up the phone, and ran after Trowa. After realizing he was in the women's bathroom, Wufei walked to Une. "Here, your stepdaughter called. And tell Trowa that once he gets out of the onna's bathroom, that I'm going to chop his balls off."  
  
"Umm...I think I'll leave now..." Quatre said, slipping out the door unnoticed.  
  
Une, who was a little tipsy by now, took the phone and looked at it like it was a foreign object.  
  
Wufei raised an eyebrow. "Push the button that says on." Une pushed the 5 button. Wufei sighed. He grabbed the phone, turned it on and dialed the number. He gave it back to Une. "Now, put it by your ear. No, that's NOT your ear." He took the phone and put it by Une's ear. "Now hold it. Goood bitch. I need a drink."  
  
Wufei sat down by Une and ordered a White Russian. He sipped it and looked over at the dance floor. Spotting Duo and Heero, he instantly got a nosebleed and headed for the men's bathroom. When he reached it, he found Zechs huddled in the corner, his hair disheveled and his shirt torn. He had a dark blue.something with yellow moons and white stars in his mouth. He was hunched over and looked a lot like a dog with long hair.  
  
"Zechs? What the HELL are you doing? And what is that?" Wufei asked, taking the thing out of Zechs's mouth (with much difficulty). Upon closer examination, he realized it was a slipper. [2] "Who'd you get this from?" He asked, wiping his hand free of the saliva from the slipper.  
  
Zechs, who had his tongue hanging out and was panting like a dog, just barked.  
  
"Umm.good doggy?" Wufei said, a bit disturbed.  
  
Zechs started growling, his ice blue eyes never leaving the slipper. He barked once again, and started wagging his butt.  
  
Wufei looked at him with uncertainty, and then tossed the slipper across the bathroom. Zechs scrambled past Wufei and bounded after it. When he reached it, he sank his teeth in it and proceeded to rip it to shreds. His nosebleed long forgotten, Wufei left the bathroom in search for some sanity.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mariemaia looked at the clock. Surely Wufei would've been back from kicking Trowa's non-ass by now? She picked up the phone and dialed her mom's number once more.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Une stared at the phone, her vision blurred and unfocused. She heard the ringing from it, but her mind wasn't working the way it should have been, and she didn't know what to do.  
  
Heero walked up to Une and, still being sober enough for his mind to function properly, grabbed the phone from Une. He turned it on and answered it. "Hello?" he said, while Une fell off the stool and landed face first on the hard floor with a loud thump.  
  
"Heero? Is that you? Where's Wufei?" Mariemaia asked, the annoyance clear in her voice.  
  
Seeing Wufei, Heero gave the phone to him. "Its Mariemaia." He said, before he walked away to Duo again.  
  
"Mariemaia?" Wufei said. "I'll be there in a minute, just have to do a last minute errand." With that said, he turned off the phone and headed towards Sally. He grabbed her by the shirt and dragged her to the women's bathroom. Once he was outside the door, he turned around and faced her. "I have an important job for you." He reached in her shirt (quit getting perverted thoughts you little hentais) and grabbed one of her medical needles (why she carried it around, the world may never know). "Take this, go into the onna's bathroom, find Trowa, stick this in his ass, or where his ass should be, and tell him it's from me." After Sally nodded, he added, "By the way, what's in that?"  
  
Sally shrugged. "I don't know."  
  
"O well, we'll find out sooner or later." Wufei said, smiling evilly. He kissed Sally quickly, then ran out of the bar.  
  
Sally gripped the needle tight in her hand and opened the door to the bathroom. Once inside, she started searching the stalls, only to find no one else was in there.  
  
"Pssssst! Sally!"  
  
Sally looked up. There, scrunched up in the ventilation shaft, was Trowa.  
  
"Is Wufei gone?"  
  
"Yea," Sally said. "It's safe to come down." She hid the needle behind her back while Trowa removed the vent and hopped down. In one swift motion, Sally jammed the needle in Trowa's non- existent ass. "Sorry, Wufei told me to do it."  
  
"But Wuidsfnfdshjbshhbbbbfft!" Trowa muttered incoherently before smacking the ground unconsciously.  
  
Sally cocked her head to the side and, the alcohol kicking in, erupted into a fit of giggles.  
  
**********  
  
Wufei sat boredly on the couch, flipping through channels on the TV. 'Figures' he mused to himself, 'never anything good on American TV.' After turning the television off, he heard an ear- piercing scream come from the upstairs bathroom.  
  
"WWWWUUUUUUUUUUFFFFEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"What the hell!?" Wufei said as he made his way towards the stairs. Climbing them, he could hear Mariemaia shuffling around in the bathroom. He reached the door and knocked. "What's the matter onna?"  
  
"I'M BLEEDING!!!!!!"  
  
"Well then use a band-aid."  
  
"I.I can't!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Cuz.I need something different.ya know.for that thing."  
  
"No, I don't know. Can you be more specific? What do you need?"  
  
"I need a tampon."  
  
"A what?"  
  
"A tampon. Ok, since you obviously don't know what that is.how bout a.pad?"  
  
"A pad? What kind of pad? Shoulder pad? Knee pad? You need to be specific!"  
  
"No.a pad pad."  
  
"Pad pad? Don't repeat yourself."  
  
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I HAVE MY PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhh well why didn't you OH FUCK!"  
  
"Well? Can you help me!?" Mariemaia, now getting impatient, asked.  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to know where Bitch-o keeps those.things?"  
  
"I don't know! Just. buy some!"  
  
"Fine. You're coming with me though."  
  
"Well I have to do something about this."  
  
"Uhh. ummm. just use toilet paper."  
  
Mariemaia grumbled something about stupid men who didn't know anything and in a few minutes emerged from the bathroom.  
  
"Let's go." Wufei said, running down the stairs, not looking foreword to his upcoming shopping trip. "I never want to have kids."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heero sat on the barstool, uncharacteristically hyper. She took another shot-of what he wasn't sure anymore-and started bouncing on the seat. Duo had passed out on the next stool about five minutes before and Heero was getting very bored. Suddenly, Heero felt someone tap his shoulder. He whirled around on the spinny stool and stood up.  
  
"YA WANNA FIGHT!?" he yelled.  
  
"Umm. not really I was just gonna ask you where the bathrooms are." the man said.  
  
"I THINK YOU WANTED TO START A FIGHT! LET'S GO!" Heero yelled, putting up his fists and jumping back and forth like a boxer. "Come on WUSS!"  
  
"Alright fine!" The man said, putting down his beer. "Whoever wins gets that cutie." He said, nodding to Duo.  
  
Heero smirked. "Alright." He took one swing and the man was out cold. Two security guards ran up but Heero slung Duo over his shoulder and ran home to get his end of the deal.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wufei looked as Mariemaia searched the aisle nervously. He had refused to go down there, so he made her look herself. 'Hurry up.' He sighed. 'Please don't make me come down there.please.'  
  
"Wufei.?" Mariemaia asked, her blue eyes nervous and confused. "Please help.?"  
  
Wufei frowned and sighed again. He slowly walked down the aisle and stood next to Mariemaia. He then realized why she was so confused. 'Lights? Regulars? Heavy? Why the hell do they have wings!?' There were so many brands, types, and colors of packages. He narrowed his eyes annoyingly and pulled out his cell phone. Quickly, he dialed Une's number.  
  
When someone finally picked up after the 8th ring, there was a lot of commotion and static in the background. "Whaaazzzzaaaaaaaappppppppp!?"  
  
"Une?" Wufei said startled.  
  
"Wuuuuuuuu! Sup dawg!?"  
  
"Ummm.your uh daughter has a slight problem."  
  
"Oh man, yea, she's always had problems since her whole 'let's take over the world' thing."  
  
"No...I mean like.woman problems."  
  
"Oh, just give her Pamprin, I swear, its God in a box."  
  
"I'm afraid it's worse than that.She's kinda got her uh..." Wufei trailed off, trying to find the right words. "Monthly bill?"  
  
"Ooh.I see, well why didn't you tell me you got the bills in the mail? There's some money in Treize's stash behind the painting in the upstairs hall." Une said, wall actually kinda slurred.  
  
Wufei smacked his forehead, but wrote down the little piece of information for later use. He could use a pizza when they got back. "She's.got her.period. and.she needs.equipment."  
  
"Oh!! I see! Why didn't you say so in the first place? There's some 'equipment' in the bathroom."  
  
"But Mariemaia looked in there."  
  
"They're in the closet."  
  
Wufei lowered the phone and looked at Mariemaia. "Did you look in the closet?"  
  
"Umm no.that would've been smart, huh?" Mariemaia said, blushing.  
  
"STUPID ONNAS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Wufei yelled and turned off the phone, not caring that he just hung up on his boss. He stomped down the aisle, not looking to see if Mariemaia was following and left the store.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Trowa looked up into the bright light and squinted. Sitting up groggily, he looked around. He was in a bathroom, next to a shredded thing that looked like a slipper. He reached up and found that his face was full of.slobber? He heard a lapping noise and looked to his right. There, lapping up water from a toilet, was a very.shabby looking Zechs.  
  
Zechs jerked his head up and his tongue lolled out. "WOOF!" he yelled, wagging his but. His torn shirt was filled with dirt, his pants were filthy and ripped, and his boots were missing.  
  
"Err.." Trowa, still drunk, looked at the human/dog/thing/Zechs. "Polly want a cracker?"  
  
"Polly want a Scooby snack!" Zechs said, standing on his.hind legs?  
  
"Sit." Trowa said. Zechs obeyed. "Lay down." Zechs laid down. "Roll over." Zechs proceeded to roll around the bathroom. "Umm...hold on," Trowa said, searching his pocket for any kind of treat for Zechs. He pulled out a dollar, a nickel, a paperclip, a condom (?), and a half-eaten candy bar. He threw Zechs the candy bar and patted his head. "Good boy." He said, then left the bathroom, careful to make sure Wufei wasn't around before he exited.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wufei was halfway to the Khushranada home when he realized Mariemaia wasn't with him. (Quick, isn't he?) Cursing, he pulled a U-turn on a main road and headed back to the store. When he reached it, he got out of SUV and walked in. He walked up to a worker.  
  
"Excuse me," he said in an annoyed voice, "have you seen a little girl here? Red hair, answers to the name Mariemaia, heir to the bitch's high and mighty throne?"  
  
"Ummm, I think she left about 5 minutes ago. Said something about arrogant Chinese men." The worker replied.  
  
"Oh bloody hell."  
  
*************  
  
Trowa stumbled back to the front of the bar when he heard Une's cell ring...again. "AHHH! Fire alarm!! Duck and cover!!"  
  
"That was *hic* for the *hic* atom*hic*ic bomb *hic*, silly!" Noin said, picking up the cell phone from where it sat on top of Une's head, who was passed out on the floor again. "Yessum?"  
  
"Hey Noin! It's Mariemaia. Wufei ditched me at the store and so I started walking home, but then I got busted for curfew and am currently sitting in Juvinille Hall." she said calmly, before adding (rather hysterically)," HELP!"  
  
"Ummm...ok, I'll try to *hic* get your *hic* mom up." Noin nuged the unconcious woman with her foot, getting a groan in return. "Or I could *hic* just tell *hic* your dad to *hic* get you."  
  
"Okay, but hurry! There's this guy looking at me really weird."  
  
"Well don't *hic* be rude! Wave!"  
  
"Whatever. Bye Noin."  
  
"Buh *hic* bye!" Noin said and clicked the phone off. She dragged Une by her arms out of the bar, and tossed her at Treize's feet, who was oogling at some expensive shotguns in a store window. "You better *hic* go get your kid from *hic* juvi." And with that, she left Treize, who proceeded to drag Une towards Juvinille Hall, and walked back into the bar to find one ranting Wufei.  
  
"Damnit onna, was she here or not!?" Wufei yelled, shaking Sally by her shoulders.  
  
"Now, now Wu-bunny , no need to get your panties all up in a jumble. Their mine anyways." Sally said, throwing back another shot.  
  
Wufei blushed from head to toe and growled in frustration. He whirled around when Noin tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"If you're *hic* looking for Marie*hic*maia, she's getting picked *hic* up by her parents. *hic* No need to worry, *hic* why don't you pull up a *hic* chair?" After saying that, she promptly passed out, pushing past Wufei and landing on a stool.  
  
Trowa, who had been curled up in a ball still from his 'duck and cover', got up. He saw Wufei and screamed, much like a woman would.  
  
"IT'S YOU!" Wufei yelled, but soon fell to the ground after getting hit by a beer bottle in the back of his head.  
  
A man that looked like he was in his early twenties shrugged and tossed the broken bottle aside. "Chinese guys annoy me."  
  
"Thanks!" Trowa said. He looked down at the unconcious Wufei. "The temptaion to do soemthing is too great!!"  
  
"I know! Trade pants!" Sally suggested.  
  
"GOOD IDEA!" Trowa exclaimed, unbuttoning his own pants, revealing white boxers with little red hearts on them. "Oops, must've grabbed Quatre's underwear!" He then undid Wufei's belt and slid down his pants, sure enough, revealing Sally's silk pink panties. Trowa nearly fell over in laughter.  
  
Still snickering, he put on Wufei's pants and then put his very tight jeans on Wufei. "I can't button it. Oh well!" he said, getting up and viewing his handiwork. "Heh..woman's underwear..."  
  
********  
  
Wufei woke up with his...lower regions very...restrained. He blinked open his eyes and looked down to see Trowa's rather tight jeans on him. Looking over to the side, he saw Trowa wearing his pants. "KISAMA!"  
  
Trowa smiled drunkenly. "Mornin Wu! Your pants are really roomy!"  
  
"Well yours are not!" Wufei yelled, trying to get up but not being able to move with the tight pants. Seeing no other option, he took them off and chased Trowa in woman's underwear.  
  
Trowa laughed so hard and tripped over an upturned stool. He was still laughing even when Wufei tripped over the same stool and landed on top of him.  
  
"Be strong Trowa!" Sally yelled. "Just think, what would Sally do?"  
  
"In this position? She'd have sex!" Trowa yelled back. Sally started to giggle uncontrollably.  
  
Noin got up slowely, hearing the word 'sex' and opening her eyes to see Wufei (in women's underwear) laying on top of Trowa, who had Wufei's pants on. Trowa's pants lay on the floor a few feet away. "Heh..yaoi is funny..." she slurred, before passing out again.  
  
"Im gonna kill-" Wufei was cut off by the same man, hitting him once again in the back of the head with a beer bottle.  
  
"Chinese men really annoy me!" He repeated.  
  
"You saved me again!" Trowa said, getting up and hugging the man. The man just shrugged and left.  
  
"Well, I don't know about you, but I think that's enough for one night." Sally managed to get out between giggles, which just seemed to keep coming. She slung Wufei over her shoulder. "Can you take Noin home?"  
  
"Aye aye Captain I-Screw-Chinese-Men-In-My-Spare-Time!" Trowa said, smiling drunkenly again.  
  
Sally just started another giggling fit and walked out. Trowa grabbed Noin by her legs and dragged her out behind Sally, not noticing all the things Noin's head was hitting.  
  
"Thank GOD!" the bartender said, wiping off the countertop and watching the last of the most obnoxious, drunk, idiotic, and just plain out weird group of people his bar had ever seen. After cleaning up a little more and turning all the stools over, he shut off the lights and locked the door on his way out.  
  
A lone 'puppy' cried in the women's bathroom, all alone.  
  
~owari  
  
[1] Wufei had to have a black Lincoln Navigator as a request by Little Lady. (Little Lady: With the moon roof, custom CD player, air conditioning, beige leather interior, digital speedometer, airbags, tinted windows, we can't forget the DUBS and CHROME CROME, baby! Chrome, chrome, chromed out cha-ching. Don't worry 'bout it, dats playa s [2] That's my slipper. (don't ask) 


End file.
